Saturday, December 22, 2007

Jingle, the Christmas Shrimp

Steve: "How are you?"

Me: [vague flailing gestures in the direction of piles of books] "You know. But you sound really calm."

Steve: "Yeah. I don't have any control over any of this, so..." [shrugs]

Me: "That's a really useful place to be in. I wish I was there."

Steve: "It's a little weird. Dan's been leaving these notes that say things like 'CHAOS. TOTAL CHAOS.' and then they just trail off. And Tom's left one underneath it that said 'Serenity now.' And I left one that said 'Guys. Chill.'"

[beat. Steve and I look at one another.]

Me: "Do you suppose we've slipped into an alternate universe?"

Steve: "It seems really possible, doesn't it? 'Cause personal growth, not likely, but alternate universe? Sure."

Me: "Ooh! Yeah. Like a world without shrimp."

Steve: "What's wrong with shrimp? I like shrimp."

Me: [shuddering] "They're all--they--nothing should have it's eyes on stalks."

[beat.]

Steve: "I am not going to argue with you about shrimp right before Christmas!"

* * * * *

Me: "...so I'm like 'Why? Because it's not seasonal? What if the shrimp were wearing little hats?'"

alex: [deadpan] "Nicole, have you forgotten Jingle the Christmas Shrimp?"

Me: "Christmas Shrimp."

alex: "Yes. You know, you leave a little dish of shrimp sauce by the bathtub drain and he visits you."

Me: "Shrimp sauce? That is so wrong."

alex: "Yes. It's sauce for shrimps."

Elizabeth: "There has been a grotesque cultural misunderstanding about the uses of shrimp sauce."

alex: "And that right there is the history of colonization and oppression."

5 comments:

Boethius said...

Shrimps shouldn't have their eyes on stalks? That's just crazy, we should all have our eyes on stalks. Then we could see over the shelves and pre-emptively avoid stupid customers.

'col said...

Dude, you are dead to me.

Boethius said...

Dead cool right? 'Cause I want shrimp eyes?

'col said...

I give up. I love you. Merry Christmas.

Boethius said...

hahahahaha thanks bella, Merry Christmas lol