Yesterday was one of those days.
Me: "Is it a full moon?"
My manager (distracted): "No, it's just the irrepressible chaos bubbling up from beneath this store...uh, why, is something weird?"
Well, let's see. Do you want to start with the guy who sat himself at the big desk in our mystery section, looked around, and said to me "Are you my secretary?" What I said: "No." What I sort of wish I'd said: "No, I'm a bookstore employee. I can, however, kill you in thirty-nine different ways with office supplies."
Or we could talk about the guy who wanted to chat with me about Tim LaHaye's Left Behind series. You know, the one about the Rapture, where all the believers get taken up to heaven, and then the only people left are the unbelievers, who have to suffer torments and start clubs and have incredibly sincere dialogues and watch the antichrist take over the UN?* It rapidly became clear that he was using this as an opening gambit to talk about Saving My Soul, which I avoided by saying things like "Yes, I also like my fiction to contain important messages."
Important messages:
Think for yourself.
Avoid hate and fear-mongering. Nothing good will come of it.
Find like-minded muppets with whom to share your life.
Love is a dangerous angel.
Cake? Yummy.
*For an in-depth-er look at Left Behind in all its horrible fascination, please see una crow's zine Monstress, "the devil is six" issue. monstress@fmgirl.com to order yer own.
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1 comment:
Oh my God, I laughed and laughed at the image of you telling that guy that you could kill him with office supplies. That is sooo Nicole. If you were a superhero you would be an incredibly sarcastic one who killed people with fresh office supplies.
I look forward to more details of retail hell as the true season of retail hell draws nearer.
XOJ
ps You were sadly missed at Canzine. You could have hung out with me, I was in the "warm room". Poor Alex, I hope he didn't get sick from the freezingness. We had a long discussion about how if you weren't working you would have certainly rushed down with warm clothing and tea for all.
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